elegy

these days waves of dispair threaten to drown me
like i am impossibly buried in sand and
the high tide laps at my neck and
i feel sick all the time now but 
i tell no one

it's all too heavy

you. the only person i would talk to
are irreverbibly gone and
i don't care what she says
your spirit has disappeared forever

Question: Where Have I Been?

Answer: Doing my hair!

Here’s a hair story. [Definitions open in new tabs] I rocked shoulder-length yarn locs for about 8 weeks from early December to early February. During that period, I experienced about 0.5 inch of new growth. Yay! At the beginning of February, I could see that my locs were a bit of a drag on all that new growth so I decided to take them down. I waited a week before putting new locs in.

Note: To others I recommend waiting at least two weeks before installing a new style onto your head. Adding the stress of braids, twists, or locs to your tresses before they have proper rest can lead to split ends and breakage. I take the risk because I’m impatient and have a LOT of follicles.

Do you want some pictures? Yeah? Okay! Continue reading →

between saturday and sunday (After Carl Phillips)

i. goddess
at the party, i watch her.
floral print dress and sneakers.
no worries, just dancing on the patio.
beaten up laptop on the coffe table, music.
sometimes when she twirls, her skirt rises slightly.
when the song ends, flower petals wilt.

ii. estasy
later, after sipping fire from a volcanic cup
after downing each shot, as if there
is something to fill; after every scalding chug,
labeling the cup, after filling the cup with fuel,
and then fire, then more fuel, i try to scan
the crowd. something has changed.
none of them move like you.

iii. heaven
there are waves reverberating into nothing
there are complicated improvisations for which there is finally
time, but no beat. now and then, some moves, all simple.
two step - sideways motion. fist pump - for the hands.
things to drink - ambrosia, only - never fire, only
a dull warmth lasting for eternity.
elsewhere, sidewalks lead to nothing but fog.
standing alone in a crowd, how it feels to be left behind.

Turn to your Neighbor and say “Neighbor?” “Turn Up!”

Hey! I’ve encountered some real gems since joining WordPress. Below lie links and context:

The View from a Drawbridge – A portion of the tagline reads “the random musings of a bridgetender [sic];” I couldn’t put it better myself. You know how some bloggers will describe their blog content as random, but really – honestly – they always return to the same topics? This blogger does the exact opposite and it’s so refreshing.
With posts nearly every day, The View from a Drawbridge is the eclectic fix you never knew you needed and cannot live without. In addressing *respectful* comments, the Bridgetender (as I like to call her), is cordial and open to discourse. Check out her most popular post – Why I Hate Alcohol.
Another Teenager’s Time Capsule – When I first read a post on this blog, I pegged the author as a writer in their late twenties reminiscing about being a 90’s kid. Wrong.
At 17 years old, Divya Murthy is probably a better writer than you. On her about page, she wants to become a magazine journalist. I believe it. That’s going to happen. Here is my favorite post so far – My Secret Ingredient: The Chemical X of my Childhood. I can’t wait to see how her blog develops.
At this point, you may be nearing your TL;DR word limit. So henceforth, I’m just gonna give it to ya quick and dirty
Frankly Write – Cyn Franks posts useful prompts on the daily. Of recent note is her 50-word story series. Also, her personal stories are equal parts insightful and inspiring!
Cee’s Photography – One stop shop for getting yourself snapping again or keeping your shutter game fresh. Cee has ongoing photo challenges, tips, tricks, and much more!
dead cat comes back – is cat’s poetry blog. It’s both enigmatic and intensely personal. cat got me to start reading Bukowski’s poetry, which I in turn recommend to you. I’m going to write more about her later.
The Accidental Texan – Andrea Thompson has lived in Dallas – which happens to be my hometown – for just over a year. I laugh at her gripes, for the most part. Nice, light reading with new posts every few days.

If you haven’t done so already, I encourage you to do yourself a favor and follow at least one of the blogs listed above. In other words, scroll ya butt back up there and click a link and the follow button. Make someone’s day just a bit better.

Thanks for listening… y’all!
Peace and hair grease,
Addai

depletion: the near-consumption of my ego in three parts

me:
"i have become what i always hated"

those words slipped past your tongue
borrowed into my torso
question: was i afraid of you or
what you had become
answer: an echo of your confession -
i have become what i always hated.
i loved you

loving you:
 the slow push of a fireplace pocker into my chest
some days i prayed for antipathy
for the blessed ability to cut you out of my heart

deep down i knew you might burn me someday
one night i told you i was leaving
you me asked why and
i couldn't think of a reason not to stay

i held your hand
i decided not to abandon you
i became what i always hated

running on empty
i had nothing left but kisses for your forehead
a lap to cushion the waves of self-loathing that hit you

every night i spent with you - another drop into the ocean
growing between myself and people i once held dear
still i stayed by your side

eventually i lost my grasp on reality
all of me vested in you
the distance between us and
everyone i used to know:
the width of the pacific ocean

i hated myself
i loved you

Continue reading →